The Blue Jays let Frank Thomas out of Canada today. Good for him. There are a couple different places he could end up. Rays? Mariners? Rangers? Those are a few likely-interested teams that have been tossed around the interweb. It will definitely be an AL team, because Big Hurt doesn't run like Big Hurt used to. I think a move by the Rays makes the least sense. They've actually got something going down there in Tampa, somewhat of a youth movement. I went to Tampa once for a family vacation. My one vivid memory: my Dad and Uncle Chuck fist fighting on the end of a dock around 2 in the morning because my Uncle Chuck thought Popeye's chicken was a classless dinner to serve to the whole family. Just ridiculous. Popeye's is never classless. It's awesome. The best fried chicken chain by far. If you want to argue for KFC, that's fine. You're probably a sheltered person. Get out there in the world. Go ahead.
Where was I? Oh yea. That big dude that just got a bunch of money for nothing. Frank Thomas is a great guy and all, but he's fucking 39. That's old as shit. Especially with the league "trying?" to crack down on 'roids. 39 is the new 50 in MLB. I don't even know what that means. Let's just say 39 is actually 39 now in MLB. Still, he'll probably jack about 25 HRs, hit .250 and drive in close to 70. Surely you can find a starting gig somewhere with a projection like that. Shit, those are Mike Cameron numbers. He's got a spot in Milwaukee if he can get over his love for illegal amphetamines.
I'll go ahead and make a prediction, because that's what people do when they don't have much left to say: Frank Thomas signs with the Mariners.
It makes sense because Jose Vidro, the M's current DH, has been kinda bad. Like, not Planet of the Apes remake bad, but Batman and Robin with Arnold Schwarzenegger bad. I know, that analogy isn't working for me either. It's my first one. "It will only get better." - Alicia Keys
Mike Sweeney will kindly take a seat on the bench. Big Hurt is back in Oak-town. If you're pissed about having to read over this, I'll at least offer you some Julianne Hough loving. She cracked my Blammitty Blam list yesterday.
