Sid's Drinking that Fightin' Juice

Sidney Ponson was fined an undisclosed amount Friday for getting in the face of Mariners' starter Felix Hernandez during an on-field brawl Thursday night. Sid said he only challenged King Felix to take a swing at him, which is simply a solid fight-starting technique. To get fined for that? That's not really fair, and it's not going to learn ole boy Sid any lessons. "The next time I get off the bench I will whip somebody's ass." That's what he told reporters after learning of the punishment. I took PSY 101 my freshman year, and am pretty sure a punishment is supposed to be a negative reinforcer -- prevent the bad action (I'm sorry I suck). Sid's appealing the fine and wants a word with MLB disciplinarian Bob Watson to "find out what the hell he's thinking." Oh, and that picture -- it's great. No way that girl's over 19. I think she is wearing braces. Sid's really classin' it up for the teens with his cut-off black Nike tee. Sexy Sid. (Woah.)

Konerko Gets 10-and-5 Rights, I Find Out What Those Are

Paul Konerko was granted his 10-and-5 rights today. I saw that headline somewhere and thought "damn, I've heard of that, and I sort of know what it means, but not fully." So, I did some research. A player is granted their 10-and-5 rights after 10 years of MLB service time and 5 years playing on a single team. The "rights" that go along with this are 1. the player can veto any trade that involves him, and 2. the player is not eligible for the Rule 5 draft or an expansion draft. What this means for Konerko? Well, if the White Sox begin to fall from where they sit now, atop the AL Central, it's possible he becomes bait around the trade deadline. So, he could pretty much have a choice of what offers he wants the team to pursue. If they start talking to the... Mariners, and Konerko doesn't like how much it rains in Seattle, he can tell them "it's not even worth talking to the M's, 'cause I'm not going to that hell hole." (I have nothing against Seattle, though the Seahawks' uniforms are gross). If they start talking to the Dodgers and Konerko likes that So. Cal twanky twank, he can be like "yea, holla' at them Dodgers." (The meaning behind my usage of the word "twanky twank" is open to your interpretaion.... you sick f-cks.)

Putz Gets Save, Is Served Dessert

Pies in the face aren't funny. They remind me of old Three Stooges-type comedy, and I'm just not high on that kind of comedic payoff. You know, bonking a guy on the head and pullin' his nose... that doesn't call to me. But, here's a pie in the face that must be seen. J.J. Putz, who got his first save since Mar. 31 on Tuesday, is the victim of one helluva sneak attack. Wait for this one, it's worth it (1:19 mark if you'd rather not wait... bastards):

Big Hurt Gets Paid to Leave Canada

The Blue Jays let Frank Thomas out of Canada today. Good for him. There are a couple different places he could end up. Rays? Mariners? Rangers? Those are a few likely-interested teams that have been tossed around the interweb. It will definitely be an AL team, because Big Hurt doesn't run like Big Hurt used to. I think a move by the Rays makes the least sense. They've actually got something going down there in Tampa, somewhat of a youth movement. I went to Tampa once for a family vacation. My one vivid memory: my Dad and Uncle Chuck fist fighting on the end of a dock around 2 in the morning because my Uncle Chuck thought Popeye's chicken was a classless dinner to serve to the whole family. Just ridiculous. Popeye's is never classless. It's awesome. The best fried chicken chain by far. If you want to argue for KFC, that's fine. You're probably a sheltered person. Get out there in the world. Go ahead.

Where was I? Oh yea. That big dude that just got a bunch of money for nothing. Frank Thomas is a great guy and all, but he's fucking 39. That's old as shit. Especially with the league "trying?" to crack down on 'roids. 39 is the new 50 in MLB. I don't even know what that means. Let's just say 39 is actually 39 now in MLB. Still, he'll probably jack about 25 HRs, hit .250 and drive in close to 70. Surely you can find a starting gig somewhere with a projection like that. Shit, those are Mike Cameron numbers. He's got a spot in Milwaukee if he can get over his love for illegal amphetamines.


I'll go ahead and make a prediction, because that's what people do when they don't have much left to say: Frank Thomas signs with the Mariners.

It makes sense because Jose Vidro, the M's current DH, has been kinda bad. Like, not Planet of the Apes remake bad, but Batman and Robin with Arnold Schwarzenegger bad. I know, that analogy isn't working for me either. It's my first one. "It will only get better." - Alicia Keys