Sid's Drinking that Fightin' Juice

Sidney Ponson was fined an undisclosed amount Friday for getting in the face of Mariners' starter Felix Hernandez during an on-field brawl Thursday night. Sid said he only challenged King Felix to take a swing at him, which is simply a solid fight-starting technique. To get fined for that? That's not really fair, and it's not going to learn ole boy Sid any lessons. "The next time I get off the bench I will whip somebody's ass." That's what he told reporters after learning of the punishment. I took PSY 101 my freshman year, and am pretty sure a punishment is supposed to be a negative reinforcer -- prevent the bad action (I'm sorry I suck). Sid's appealing the fine and wants a word with MLB disciplinarian Bob Watson to "find out what the hell he's thinking." Oh, and that picture -- it's great. No way that girl's over 19. I think she is wearing braces. Sid's really classin' it up for the teens with his cut-off black Nike tee. Sexy Sid. (Woah.)

Your Semi-Daily Look-a-Like: 4/26

I overheard this one around the Big 12 Championship game this March. Texas lost to Kansas 84-74 in a game that was much closer than the score shows. More importantly, I picked up a decent look-a-like (if those exist... these things are stupid, I know).

Texas head basketball coach Rick Barnes and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres

Big Hurt Gets Paid to Leave Canada

The Blue Jays let Frank Thomas out of Canada today. Good for him. There are a couple different places he could end up. Rays? Mariners? Rangers? Those are a few likely-interested teams that have been tossed around the interweb. It will definitely be an AL team, because Big Hurt doesn't run like Big Hurt used to. I think a move by the Rays makes the least sense. They've actually got something going down there in Tampa, somewhat of a youth movement. I went to Tampa once for a family vacation. My one vivid memory: my Dad and Uncle Chuck fist fighting on the end of a dock around 2 in the morning because my Uncle Chuck thought Popeye's chicken was a classless dinner to serve to the whole family. Just ridiculous. Popeye's is never classless. It's awesome. The best fried chicken chain by far. If you want to argue for KFC, that's fine. You're probably a sheltered person. Get out there in the world. Go ahead.

Where was I? Oh yea. That big dude that just got a bunch of money for nothing. Frank Thomas is a great guy and all, but he's fucking 39. That's old as shit. Especially with the league "trying?" to crack down on 'roids. 39 is the new 50 in MLB. I don't even know what that means. Let's just say 39 is actually 39 now in MLB. Still, he'll probably jack about 25 HRs, hit .250 and drive in close to 70. Surely you can find a starting gig somewhere with a projection like that. Shit, those are Mike Cameron numbers. He's got a spot in Milwaukee if he can get over his love for illegal amphetamines.


I'll go ahead and make a prediction, because that's what people do when they don't have much left to say: Frank Thomas signs with the Mariners.

It makes sense because Jose Vidro, the M's current DH, has been kinda bad. Like, not Planet of the Apes remake bad, but Batman and Robin with Arnold Schwarzenegger bad. I know, that analogy isn't working for me either. It's my first one. "It will only get better." - Alicia Keys