MLB Power Rankings: Top 5

1. Arizona Diamondbacks (22-12)
No change here. They've been baseball's best all season and will continue to dominate. I promise. For one, the pitching is stellar. Brandon Webb and Dan Haren have been the anchors. And Micah Owings has been solid on both sides of the plate (that's a football term, I know -- but it works here). 44-year-old Randy Johnson should pitch well enough to give the offense a chance. And Max "nothing rhymes with" Scherzer should settle in and be able to control that upper-90s fastball. The D-Backs' lineup is cool, and young, and awesome, and fun, and young, and cool. Chris Young is the next big thing in baseball. Guy's going to be an all-around stud for a longg time. Too bad that team doesn't have a fanbase. Move them to St. Louis. I'd go to some games. I'd buy one of those alternate black Justin Upton jerseys and wear that shit everywhere. Black doesn't show dirt.

2. Boston Red Sox (22-14)
The Angels are a very close second, but the Red Sox are the best team in the American League right now. Josh Beckett seems to be figuring things out. He's made two solid starts in a row, including a gem against the Rays two weeks ago. Daisuke Matsuzaka is 5-0 and is third only to Ervin Santana and Cliff Lee as the early-season Cy Young award winner (not a real award). They'd like to get more out of Jon Lester and Clay Buchholz, and both have actually looked solid as of late. Offensively, David Ortiz has begun to rake and Manny is putting up numbers that would have you thinking he's in a contract year... oh, he is? ...hmm. Kevin Youkilis has been annoyingly good and having Mike Lowell back is a big clubhouse (and maybe power) boost. With the struggles of the Yankees' pitching staff, and the Rays about a year away from being serious contenders, the Saawx are going to run away with the AL East.

3. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (22-14)
The second best team in the American League, they're the third best team in baseball. That rotation is going to carry them all year. Joe Saunders has been fantastic and the Ervin Santana Show has finally arrived. Jered Weaver will not suck all year, and Jon Garland shouldn't be this bad. With John Lackey coming of the DL next week, the Angels are legit. That offense has always been fun to watch and with the same or better pitching, they'll top the AL West all year.





4. St. Louis Cardinals (22-13)
As I write this, Kyle Lohse is getting shelled by the Rockies. The Cards are down 7-1 heading into the fifth. I give these birds one more week. At least, I'm not going to attempt to explain this team for another week. They've moved up a spot in these rankings, so I am sort of giving them props. I'll say this: If strength of schedule was as closely-followed in MLB as it is in college football and basketball, the Cardinals would be laughed at. They haven't been challenged yet. Last weekend's Cubs series doesn't count because it was played at Busch.

5. Philadelphia Phillies (20-15)
I'm sorry A's fans. A 22-14 record should get you into the top 5, but it doesn't here. Not at One Droo Hill, a place of logic and truth (I'm annoying). Before I tell you why the Phillies are pretty good, let me pose a question to the whole NL East: Does somebody want to step up? (That should have been a cooler, more forceful question -- but I'm me). The Braves and Mets are bathing in mediocrity while the Phillies, behind Pat Burrell and Chase Utley, are playing above-average baseball. That's right -- they're playing above-average baseball. At this point, it's enough to crack this Top 5. But, the Marlins still sit in first place. Kudos to Fredi Gonzalez, but come on. The NL East has to be considered the most underachieving division in baseball.

Zito is Like a Mosquito -- He sucks

Barry Zito became the first major league pitcher to go 0-6 in the month of April when he got shelled by the Reds Sunday. That's as bad as it gets for a guy who is signed to a seven-year, $126 million contract. He has a 7.53 ERA, a 1.95 WHIP, and has only struck out 11 in 28.2 innings. At this point, most teams would have to make some sort of move. Actually, after he moved to 0-5 a week ago, most teams would've made a move. But here's what pitching coach Dave Righetti had to say the other day when asked if Zito will be removed from the rotation: "No, because who the hell is going to pitch?" Thus is the state of the San Francisco Giants -- the WORST team in baseball. Yeah, they don't have the worst record in MLB, but I stand by that comment. They easily have the worst lineup. Bengie Molina is their cleanup hitter, man. True, he has been a pleasant surprise in that role, but there's no way that guy is putting up a .310/30/120 season. There's no way he puts up a .290/20/85 season. The Giants are terrible. Their only bright spots are in the rotation (Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez) and will be brought down, if they haven't already, by poor run support. Zito's contract will hold back the future of the organization as well. It's hard to sign good, young players when you're paying some bum with a pretty curveball $126 million. It's too bad, because I hear that stadium is a dandy! (San Francisco lingo).

Prince Can't Keep a Secret, Rickey Keeps a Check

With the bases loaded in the second inning of the Brewers-Marlins game and pitcher Carlos Villanueva at the plate, Brewers manager Ned Yost called for a suicide squeeze. This wouldn't normally be a big deal, it happens plenty. The Brewers hadn't scored in sixteen straight innings to that point, so getting a run was something they probably needed psychologically. The good part is that the man on third base, Prince Fielder, weighs about 300 lbs and runs like a... I don't know, a train? We'll go with a freight train. The great part is what happened next. Yost signals for the play, then third base coach Dale Sveum leans into Fielder's ear and whsipers "squeeze" Fielder jerks his head around and loudly replies "REALLY?" "I thought for sure he gave it away," Sveum would say after the game. The play went off without a hitch as Villanueva's bunt was a beauty and Fielder easily waddled home. But Prince, you can't respond out loud to play calls in baseball. That's like Ricky Henderson getting a steal sign then pointing down to second base, nodding, and yelling "Aww yeee. I got it." Shit, Rickey probably would have swiped that bag anyway. He was just a bit full of himself. Or should I say Rickey was just a bit full of Rickey. Which brings me to the One Droo Hill official favorite Rickey Henderson story (wow this post did a 180, eh?): In the early '80s, the Oakland A’s accounting department couldn't figure out why the books were off $1 million and were freaking out. They had to give the whole franchise a self-audit. The accountants checked everything from stadium costs to concession revenues, then decided to interview every player. When they got around to Rickey Henderson, they found their answer. Instead of cashing a $1 million bonus check he had received from the A's, the modest Rickey Henderson had it framed and hung on a wall in his house. Rainy day fund?

Big Hurt Looks Fly In White Cleats, J. Hough Looks Fly In Anything

I don't pretend to be a BREAKING NEWS site, and I don't want this site to be that, but Frank Thomas is headed back to the A's. It's a nice update to my first real post earlier this week.

Mike Sweeney will kindly take a seat on the bench. Big Hurt is back in Oak-town. If you're pissed about having to read over this, I'll at least offer you some Julianne Hough loving. She cracked my Blammitty Blam list yesterday.