The United Countries of Baseball (Revised and Updated)

Update (4:03pm, May 10)

I'm not sure if changing one's posts is allowed in the unwritten rules of blogz, but I gives a f-ck. I decided to make a few updates to the map from suggestions I got in the comment sections of Deadspin, With Leather, and this site right hurr. I didn't touch the Nationals or Mets region because it seems commenters disagree on those. But, I felt the White Sox needed to be pulled down. They were a bit too far north. Also, Yankees fans seem to think they have a solid footing in southern Connecticut, so I added that. I hope these changes were productive. Maybe we'll get this thing perfect after all (nah).

Here's the freshest one (click for larger view)

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The map above had the in'rnet in a bit of tizzy last year. If you didn't get a chance to see it, you're in for a treat (Click on it for a larger view). The first thing I thought when I saw it was "yesss, sweet." The second thing I thought was "no way the Rockies and Diamondbacks have such an expansive fan base." Then I started to notice more and more things I felt needed adjustments. Don't get me wrong, this map is the balls. I loves it. There are just a few minor details that I wanted to tinker with. So, today I decided to do just that. I put a ton of research (half true) and way too much time on Microsoft Paint (totally true) into the the map below (Click for larger view).

I would have liked to make a few more changes. For example, I know the Marlins don't dominate the state of Florida as shown. There are pockets of Cardinals, Cubs, Dodgers, etc. fans up and down that state. You know... all the teams that do their spring work down there develop a following in that particular town. But, I didn't want to stray from what Nike started. They originally named this map the "United Countries of Baseball" so little islands of red and orange among a sea of green in Florida would be... well, islands. Not countries.

Some of the changes I made:

-The original map had a San Francisco Giants following all the way up to the state of Washington. I know that's not correct. Those in Oregon that care about Major League Baseball don't root for the Giants. They're more likely to be Mariners fans. But, Giants fans are much more prevalent in the state of California and parts of Western Nevada than was shown on the original. Those were both easy and obvious changes.

-The original map also severely underestimated the Los Angeles Dodgers fan base. About the size of Tennessee? I think not. I realize that's a highly populated region, but the Dodgers have been a staple on the West Coast for about 60 years now. They have a good amount of fans in the most southern edges of California and even western Arizona.

-I would have liked to shrink the size of that Diamondbacks region. But, I'd be making it unincorporated territory, so I decided against it. I'll let them pretend to have that large of a following. About two thirds of that is desert anyway. The same goes for the Rockies. They're not that popular. There should be spatterings of Cardinal red and Cubbie orange (?) in that black region. If not, it should be unincorporated. But, again, I didn't see the point in doing that.

-The original map didn't take into account the Cardinals' following in Oklahoma. It's for real, so I added it. A lot of those Oklahomans grew up on KMOX, a station that once carried Cardinals games to much of the Midwest. The Cards are really considered the "team of the Midwest." I think the original map did a good job of showing that, but decided to give all of Oklahoma to the Rangers, which was wrong.

-The original map also surrounded Astros country with Rangers fans, which doesn't make a lot of sense. From what I've read and heard in the past, the Astros' following spreads down through southern Texas and into Mexico. That was changed.

-The Braves have a gigantic following in the southeast United States. The original did a fine job of showing that, but I expanded it even more. The original didn't account for Braves fans in the Florida panhandle, North Carolina, or western Virginia. All of which are legit.

-The original also had this weird narrow flow of Indians fans through West Virginia and Eastern Kentucky. I think most of Kentucky is Reds' country. I'm pretty positive that's right.

-The last change I made was shrinking the Mets' fan base. Their following is pretty much concentrated around northern New Jersey and the boroughs of New York City. I'm not sure why the original expanded their territory into Pennsylvania.


I'm sure this thing isn't perfect. It never will be, though I'd love to hear some feedback if there's something that is clearly wrong. In the meantime, I need a f-ing nap.

Zito is Like a Mosquito -- He sucks

Barry Zito became the first major league pitcher to go 0-6 in the month of April when he got shelled by the Reds Sunday. That's as bad as it gets for a guy who is signed to a seven-year, $126 million contract. He has a 7.53 ERA, a 1.95 WHIP, and has only struck out 11 in 28.2 innings. At this point, most teams would have to make some sort of move. Actually, after he moved to 0-5 a week ago, most teams would've made a move. But here's what pitching coach Dave Righetti had to say the other day when asked if Zito will be removed from the rotation: "No, because who the hell is going to pitch?" Thus is the state of the San Francisco Giants -- the WORST team in baseball. Yeah, they don't have the worst record in MLB, but I stand by that comment. They easily have the worst lineup. Bengie Molina is their cleanup hitter, man. True, he has been a pleasant surprise in that role, but there's no way that guy is putting up a .310/30/120 season. There's no way he puts up a .290/20/85 season. The Giants are terrible. Their only bright spots are in the rotation (Tim Lincecum, Matt Cain, Jonathan Sanchez) and will be brought down, if they haven't already, by poor run support. Zito's contract will hold back the future of the organization as well. It's hard to sign good, young players when you're paying some bum with a pretty curveball $126 million. It's too bad, because I hear that stadium is a dandy! (San Francisco lingo).

Matty Mo, You Gotta Go!?!?

"As an organization, we can never rule out releasing a player who cannot help the team win, even if such a release would be expensive," Pirates Team President Frank Coonelly said Wednesday.

This is April, 2008 and that's a quote on the fate of current Pirates' starting pitcher Matt Morris. If the Pirates release Matty Mo anytime soon, it'll cost them $11,037,283.00. That's how bad it's gotten. They're seriously considering signing that fat check and releasing him. What happened? Seven years ago Matt Morris finished in voting for the National League MVP and Cy Young Award with the St. Louis Cardinals. Six years ago he was an all-star. Five years ago he finished second in the league with five complete games and posted a 3.76 ERA. Four years ago, we're in 2004 now, he went 15-10 and the Cardinals were in the World Series. In 2005 he even managed a 14-10 record and posted a somewhat respectable 4.17 ERA. He became an effective "innings eater," throwing nearly 200 innings every year.

After the 2005 season, Matt Morris became a free agent. The Cardinals made him a nice offer, so did others. The San Francisco Giants ended up shelling out $27 million on a three year contract to land him. Morris went 7-7 and shit out a 1.47 WHIP in 136 innings with the Giants before they shipped him in July of 2007 to the Pirates for a 25 year old outfielder by the name of Rajai Davis. Davis hasn't become anything special and probably won't. He's an aging, career minor leaguer, and was recently designated for assignment by the Giants. Yet, it still remains one of the worst trades in recent memory because of Morris' salary. Morris waddled into Pittsburgh and posted a 6.10 ERA through 11 starts. This year, his second year with the Pirates, Morris is off to an 0-3 start with a 9.15 ERA and 1.98 WHIP. And, as I mentioned before, the Pirates are considering releasing him. What happened to Matty Mo? You might think it's age, but it's not. He's only 33. Plenty of pitchers have reached their prime at age 33. Morris should have plenty left in the tank. I honestly think it's a happiness issue. Can happiness have an impact on a pitchers' velocity? I don't know. But it definitely can affect a guy's focus. He had a home in St. Louis and pitched his whole career in the Cardinals' system. When he left for San Fran, he was following dollar signs, not his heart. Now in Pittsburgh, he probably feels a bit overwhelmed. He is the highest paid player on their team and is performing like a guy that doesn't even deserve the league minimum. Can you believe that? Matt Morris is the highest paid player on a major league squad.

I expect he'll be made a free agent by the end of May. Then maybe he should take a vacation, figure out what happened to his velocity, but mostly just clear his mind. If, or rather when he gets released from the Pirates, some team will take a chance on Matty Mo. He might even have a choice of a couple teams. He'll be given a few minor league starts to show if he's still got it, to see if there's something left in that arm, the same arm that once threw an un-hittable curveball. It's hard to see it working out though, isn't it? Something is wrong mentally and physically with the him. He has had some shoulder issues, as it seems most Cardinals pitchers do. But really, the story of Matt Morris is a mystery and there might not be a single answer. It'd just be nice to see that crumpled #35 Cardinals Ace pennant (brought to me by Papa Johns) stashed under some boxes in my closet once again have some meaning.

You've Gotta Have a Bottom to Have a Top

"It is what it is." For some reason this phrase has been popping up all over recently. Maybe it has always been used so widely, but I've only recently noticed it. It's everywhere! And what the hell does it mean? Like, I know what it means literally and I know the reason people use it. But it's pointless. I'm not just saying that. It seriously doesn't make any point. Here are some places I've seen it recently:

The Cincinnati Enquirer
Assistant Sports Editor Tom Curtis
(Note: He's talking about how people mistreat each other on Reds message boards.)
"Sometimes it's hard to believe adults can act this way, but it is what it is."

Curtis isn't even trying to use the phrase to make a point here, he just ran out of things to say. Maybe he felt that saying "it's hard to believe adults can act this way" was too risque and might ruffle some feathers, so he went with "it is what it is" to cool down the sentence. It didn't cool me down though. I'm hot. Pissed. It doesn't mean anything!

Former Pacers guard Reggie Miller
(Note: He is reacting to the brawl a couple years ago in Detroit)
"Obviously, you never want to see something like that happen, but it is what it is."

Huh? So basically he's using the phrase to say, "it happened. And that's what happened, that it happened." Of course it happened! Everyone knows what happened. I mean, yeah. We know your teammate Stephen Jackson wasn't giving a dental screening to that fan he hit in the jaw. He was hitting him in the jaw! Hey Reggie, man, listen. Just leave it at "you never want to see something like that happen." That's fine. No need to tell us that what we saw is what we just saw. No need, bud. In case you're wondering though, your quote, even without the "it is what it is" bullshit is wrong. It is incorrect. Everyone wants to see NBA players fight heckling fans. I mean, shit, they're still running it monthly on highlight shows and I still get pumped when I see Ron Artest fly up ten rows of seats, already swinging. 'test asks no questions. 'test jus takes cor uh his bidness.

Brian McNamee in a taped phone conversation with Roger Clemens
(Everyone knows the story.)
Clemens: "Why would you do that to me? Come on, after all I've done for you? Tell them I did steroids? Come on, Mac."
McNamee: "It is what it is, Roger. Whaddya want me to do? Whaddya want me tooo do?"


I can actually understand his use of the phrase here. He didn't want to have this convo with Clemens. He had just outed the guy for being a cheater. But Roger shouldn't have taken that shit. Here's what Clemens' next line should have been: "Hey fuckstick. I know what it is. You don't have to tell me 'what it is.' You screwed me. My whole career is a joke now." The Congressmen, like me, had a tough time with the phrase when they read it aloud in court. Mark Souder, a senator from Indiana called it a "prototypical New York" phrase. Souder obviously doesn't watch many player or coach press conferences, because then he'd know it's definitely not just a NY thing. It's everywhere, and it needs to stop.

In my research for this disaster of a post, I realized this is actually a pretty common rant. I am 1. embarassed that I am probably coming off as unoriginal, 2. happy that other people have taken issue with the use of this meaningless phrase, and 3. that I have to use it a couple times in the next few days to see the reaction it gets. That's the only way to get a feel for the meaning and usage of the phrase. Say I go into Jimmy Johns tomorrow and order an Italian Night Club with extra peppers and a drink and the guy is like "is this for here or to go?" I'll give it to him. "It is what it is." There's no way he'll enjoy that. Check back for updates, or don't. It is what it is.

That will officially end the worst post in the short history of this site. I shouldn't have posted it, but you've gotta have a bottom to have a top. OK, yes. YES. I am officially starting "you've gotta have a bottom to have a top" as the next popular, overused meaningless phrase. You heard it hear first. Pittsburgh Pirates, San Francisco Giants, Miami Dolphins -- get at me.