8:47. Whatt? Justin/Bobby is back? Audrina, girl. Come the f-ck on. I'm single. My face is on a hundred dollar bill. I have a week-old blog! Ditch the zero, get with this HERO.
8:48. I guess it's a good thing I tuned in a couple minutes early. I had no idea some of this stuff was going on. Lo is moving in? I thought she was one of those smart girls... you know, not going to have a career in reality TV.
8:49. Damn, I really backed myself into a corner with this one. There's baseball on, and I have to watch Justin/Bobby douche it up on the screen. YOU'RE NOT JOHNNY DEPP, TOOL! Take a shower, cut your hair, and try speaking up a little bit.
8:54. I'm so done with Audrina. What a dumb w-ore. "He's cleaned up. He's doingg really goood."
8:56. Does anybody have an update on the situation between Heidi and Spencunt? I'm not following this situation...
8:57. Oh, he totally thought that "you look great" line was gonna get him some play. That was his go-to line. He had that sucker all queued up in that greasy noggin.
8:59. Justin/Bobby stopped drinking? So he doesn't even have an "edge" now... what's the deal, Aud? (Aud = Aurdina).
8:59. Okay, I mostly understand what's going on. Lo is moving in with L.C. and Aud. Spencunt and Heidi are "taking some time off" or "enjoying their space" or something. Heidi is now hangin' with Aud. Oh, the drammma.
9:00. Yesss.
Feel the rain on your skin...9:01. Lookin' hot in the business-casual get-up, Audrina. Loves it.
9:02. They totally deserve this house. They've worked so hard. Seriously. All those days at
Teen Vogue gossiping... and traveling to Paris and New York. These girls work hard for their money.
9:04. Yes! I can't wait for the return of Stephen. Guy's the man.
9:04. I really miss the original seasons of
'Guna (Laguna Beach). Get Spencunt's sister outta here. No 6's on this show. Only 8-10's.
9:05. Spencunt loves that line "I have nothing more to say to you." It's not a great line when used so often. It's a home run when used sparingly. Word.
9:07. Aww, Justin/Bobby is coming to this party. Shoot me. I hope Stephen knocks him out with his surfboard (dumb).
9:08. I can't believe these episodes are only a half an hour. With MTV's love for commercials, that
gives us like 18 mins. of programming. Piss poor. I feel chiggitty cheated. About as cheated as Roger Clemens' wife when she takes a look at this picture of the chick her husband's been bangin'.
9:13. Somebody tell me why this chick, Spencunt's sister, is on the show... this 6. To stir up trouble, no doubt. Like Pop Rocks. Those things really get going.
9:15. Yess, Stephen. My man. What's happenin, bra?
9:15. L.C. is so in love with Stephen. Check out how she's lookin' at him. Adoorrable.
9:16. I hate this Justin/Booby. (He actually doesn't deserve to be called a booby. Nowhere near as cool or fun.)
9:18. I think we're sitting at about 10 mins. of
The Hills, 3 mins. of
IronMan, 2 mins. of
Wendy's, and 2 more of
Acuvue Contacts. I didn't sign up for this sh-t.
9:20. Tila Tequila is not hot.
9:21. Where are they now? "On campus?" What does that mean? Any ideas? I think they strayed from the written script. The directors are pissed.
9:22. Okay, I seriously think this 6, Spencunt's sister, is like
The Real World's confessional... just someone for people to vent to. Good observation, eh? Yeah, I'm on fire.
9:24. Make fun of Justin/Bobby, Stephen! Grill that son of a bitch. Roast that poser. Roast that Poser! ROAST THAT POSER! ROAST THAT POSER!
9:25. Don't you miss how Kristen used to say "Steeeuvvun." I sure as hell do.
9:26. "I never drove too crazy though. I had precious cargo." Now that's a line, son. Take note, Spencunt.
9:28. Lo has no place on this show. She's too nice. She isn't going to start sh-t with anyone. Way too optimistic for reality television. And only like a 7. I said only 8-10s.
9:30. Heidi's going to Vegas, eh? Good. She's not an 8-10 either. I'm so let down right now. Not only was that way too short, but this show has taken a nosedive. When does Newport Harbor get going again? I neeed me some Chrissy.
1. Emmanuelle Chriqui. You might know her as "Sloan" from Entourage. I like that she's not very popular, though it's hard to understand (too fine to be unknown). It makes me think we have a special relationship. Like, if I was having a party she'd be one of the first girls I'd call. I'd be like "Hey I'm having some people over. You coming?" And she'd be like "Oh totally. I was already planning on it. I'm on my way." We'd laugh and tell funny stories and make fun of the strangers at the party. Then she'd totally stay late night because she "doesn't want to walk home." And she'd just happen to sleep with me, and I'd make some moves, and we'd take our friendship to a whole new level. Yep.
2. Mandy Moore. I re-watched a couple episodes of Entourage the other night, if you haven't guessed. Mandy Moore, who doesn't work as a "Mandy" or "Moore" but only "Mandy Moore," has a four episode-long relationship with Vince. She ends up breaking his heart. Her unconscionable cuteness has, I'm sure, broken a lot of hearts. I'm trying to think how to quantify her "career." Movie star? Not really. She's been in a couple indy flicks. Music? That's laughable. TV Star? She was in four episodes of Entourage, and an once got Punk'd. Not exactly a star. How does she make money these days? I wish I was a super hot girl. You should too. Then you wouldn't have to read this crap.
